I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and

When you're in black slacks with accentuating off-white pinstripes, whoa-oh
Everything goes according to plan

I'm the new cancer, never looked better
You can't stand it
Because you say so under your breath
You're reading lips, "When did he get at all confident?"
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
Never looked better and
You can't stand it

Next is a trip to the, the ladies room in vain and
I bet you just can't keep up with these fashionistas and
Tonight, tonight, you are, you are, a whispering campaign
I bet to them, your name is "Cheap", I bet to them you look like sh--
Talk to the mirror, oh choke back tears
And keep telling yourself that, "I'm a diva."

Oh, and the smokes in that cigarette box on the table
They just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin

I'm the new cancer, never looked better
You can't stand it
I know because you say so under your breath
You're reading lips, "When did he get at all confident?"
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
Never looked better and
You can't stand it

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
I've never looked better and you can't stand it
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
I've never looked better and you can't stand it

And I know, and I know
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
I've never been so surreptitious
So of course I'll be distracted when I spike the punch
And I know, and I know
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
I've never been so surreptitious
So of course I'll be distracted when I spike the punch
And I know, and I know
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
I've never been so surreptitious
So of course I'll be distracted when I spike THE PUNCH!