Take you on Jerry Springer, and beat yer ass legally
I get you blunted off of funny home grown
'Cause when I smoke out I hit the trees harder than Sonny Bono

Ohh no, so if I said I never did drugs
That would mean I lie and get fucked more than the President does
Hillary Clinton tried to slap me and call me a pervert
I ripped her fuckin' tonsils out and fed her sherbet

My nerves hurt, and lately I'm on edge
Grabbed Vanilla Ice and ripped out his blonde dreads
Every girl I ever went out wit is goin' lez
Follow me and do exactly what the song says

Smoke weed, take pills, drop outta school, kill people and drink
And jump behind the wheel like it was still legal
I'm dumb enough to walk in a store and steal
So I'm dumb enough to ask for a date with Lauryn Hill

Some people only see that I'm white, ignorin' skill
'Cause I stand out like a green hat with a orange bill
But I don't get pissed, y'all don't even see through the mist
How the fuck can I be white, I don't even exist

I get a clean shave, bathe, go to a rave
Die from an overdose and dig myself up out of my grave
My middle finger won't go down, how do I wave?
And this is how I'm supposed to teach kids how to behave?

Now follow me and do exactly what you see
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me
I slap women and eat shrooms then O.D.
Now don't you wanna grow up to be just like me

Me and Marcus Allen went over to see Nicole
When we heard a knock at the door, must have been Ron Gold
Jumped behind the door, put the orgy on hold
Killed 'em both and smeared blood in a white Bronco

My mind won't work if my spine don't jerk
I slapped Garth Brooks out of his Rhinestone shirt
I'm not a player just a ill rhyme sayer
That'll spray an Aerosol can up at the ozone layer

My rap style's warped, I'm runnin' out the morgue
Witcha dead grandmother's corpse to throw it on your porch
Jumped in a Chickenhawk cartoon wit a cape on
And beat up Foghorn Leghorn with an acorn

I'm 'bout as normal as Norman Bates, with deformative traits
A premature birth that was four minutes late
Mother are you there? I love you
I never meant to hit you over the head with that shovel

Will someone explain to my brain that I just severed
A main vein' with a chainsaw and I'm in pain?
I take a breather and sighed, either I'm high, or I'm nuts
'Cause if you ain't tiltin' this room, neither am I

So when you see your mom with a thermometer shoved in her ass
Then it probably is obvious I got it on with her
'Cause when I drop this solo shit it's over with
I bought Cage's tape, opened it and dubbed over it

I came to the club drunk with a fake ID
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me
I've been with 10 women who got HIV
Now don't you wanna grow up to be just like me

I got genital warts and it burns when I pee
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me
I tie a rope around my penis and jump from a tree
You probably wanna grow up to be just like me