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As I looked him in the eye, I heard my best friend cry
We aren't fools to fall in love but let coupledom die

Ban marriage, ban marriage

The minister was drunk and high from
His rewrite of holy verse with more lies
But the organist she played
With a tenacity and grace that was fine

The whole room was filled with the thunder and flood
With just one chord, the thrill and clarity of sound

But soon the song went slowly dead
And I was forced to take a stand on one side
It was him or my fag hag, oh, well
I guess, she was never that good of a friend

After my fag hag friend had fled
The minister looked mighty fed and content
We said his rewritten vows that I could hardly pronounce
But was soon drowned it out by that organ and the shout

Ban marriage, ban marriage
Ban marriage, ban marriage

The congregation, stunned and dumbed
Looked upon me with an innocuous stare
I went down on my knees, I prayed that
There be truth and there be light in my day

In my hungover daze, I felt the thunder of God
It was the orders that I take the wrath upon my own rod
Then I repeated my own vows
They were perverted and they smelled of myself

That there is splendor in the harshness of bum
That consummation makes a grumble
And the sound that I have learned called

Ban marriage, ban marriage
Ban marriage, ban marriage
Ban marriage, ban it all