Well, I hitched up the wagon and I drove down the road,
With a two horse wagon and a four horse load,
Well I cracked my whip and the lead horse sprung,
And I said "Goodbye" to the wagon tongue.

CHORUS

Well, if frogs had wings and snakes had hair,
And automobiles went flyin' thro' the air,
Well, if watermelons grew on a huckleberry vine,
We'd still have winter in the summer time.

CHORUS

Oh, I went out to milk and I didn't know how,
I milked an old goat instead of a cow,
A monkey sittin' there on a pile of straw,
A-winkin' his eyes at his mother-in-law.

CHORUS

Well, I come to the river and I couldn't get across,
So I paid five dollars for an old blind horse,
Well, he wouldn't go ahead and he wouldn't stand still,
So he went up and down like an old saw mill.

CHORUS